Thursday, November 19, 2009



It’s been a week for soul searching, back in Maastricht after a hectic road trip, then tired and sleepless getting readjusted. Dead plants and live problems to sort out, flopping around a bit in the quiet apartment.  The days have gotten very short, and workdays are getting increasingly stressed.

It’s all becoming lonely, and I have to reflect on why, what preference, led here. I know that I have not been a good partner in years, too often absent or distracted, sometimes preoccupied or volatile.  I think that the good times far outweigh the bad, but still, it’s come to this and it’s hard.

Over morning coffee, a friend suggested that I go back to basics of what I expect of a relationship.  I hold to archetypes that caught my fancy when I was very young, role models I hoped to grow up to be.  Do we give up when they don’t come true?

Another suggested that I look to myself, and I thought of 72 qualities that could make me occasionally difficult.  Good for self-improvement but not much of a comfort.

Another suggested reading insightful literature, but when I visited the bookstore, all of the books were Dutch. I’m not quite to that level.

And, I think, needing to move is surfacing thoughts about not only where, but how, I want to live.

All in all, it’s defining but not evolving the issues.

Relationships are wonderful / relationships are hard.


patti said...


Dave Hampton said...

Thanks, Patti -- more to come on this topic as I sort things through.

Textual Healer said...

When I was going through a similar phase a friend suggested I make a list of 50 (one for each year of my life) people who had enriched my life. I still have it. It bought out a lot of positive feelings and sentiments during a dark time.
You should remember you are pulling a heavy load. Single ex-pat, (and trying for multiple work /residency permits) and becoming self employed. There are going to be bad days when it all feels too much and you miss familiar surroundings.
My guess is that with all that going on you are probably not paying enough attention (or having the emotional energy) to build a network of friends around you. It's a long term investment that doesn't pay immediate dividends but it will provide you with an essential foundation for building here rather than 'skimming'. Good luck with it all.

Dave Hampton said...

Thanks, Nick. I really appreciate the concern and the suggestions. As always, I'll take your advice and spend some time with the exercise. I've been challenging myself to pair every bad concern with a good opportunity as well, which gives some balance to perspectives.

The problems have been exacerbated by finding out that someone close to me has GAD: for months I've struggled to understand what was wrong, and I feel terrible now that I'm coming to understand the truth. I have some good friends to talk with, but the experience has left me a bit shaken.

Textual Healer said...

GAD ???

Dave Hampton said...